Ugly Beautiful

     So if you're coming to Kirkpatrick's Corner this week in hopes of seeing really cute pictures of an adorable little boy and his faithful dog, Chester, you're just going to have to check back in two weeks. This week, I feel like I have to share something a bit more real. So here goes...
     Let me start by saying, please don't comment on this blog, or "like" it on Facebook, or send me a text or card. I am not sharing this with anyone for any other reason than it's time to let go. Today, I'm letting go of my secret. It's not a secret to many of you, but it's definitely something I have intentionally edited from my public, professional and blog-posting life. For the last six months I have been coping with and grieving the greatest loss of my life. It's not the tragic death of a loved one, technically. Rather it's the tragic death of the loss of my marriage. I'm going to omit details and finger-pointing, because it has nothing to do with writing this post. All I'll say is trying to overcome the loss of the only love I've ever known has been devastating. But, with the grace of God, the love of friends and family and the will to heal---I have been working through it.
     Since I cannot change the past, and I have learned that I cannot control the future, I have realized that the best way for me to deal with my new life is to try and learn from it as much as I can. Here's only a brief description of what I've garnered so far:

1. I am not in control and, even though I tried very hard, I have never been in control of my future. For more years than I care to acknowledge, I truly believed that if I made the right decisions--everything would always be fine. In a nutshell, I've learned that I make a horrible god.

2. Before all of this, I've never had to rely on my faith so much. Until last summer, I can honestly say that I've never had to call out to God in desperation. What a blessed life. I had lived thirty-two years and never hurt enough to beg for His help. I have learned that He keeps his promises.

3. I have learned that happiness isn't a guarantee, but neither is sadness. Life if full of the ugly beautiful. The miracle of babies, the unexplained loss of loved ones, natural disasters, the undeniable beauty of sunsets on snow-covered mountains, the kindness of a stranger. What I know, is that those moments that make me smile or take my breath away are not to be taken for granted. I took many things for granted. But in the backdrop of my recent life experience, I know that those moments of joy, of laughing till your crying, or the warm hug of the people that matter the most in the world are the most precious gifts. And in this life here, in the ugly-beautiful, I should relish it a little more.

4. John Thomas will never know that he saved my life. When I didn't know how to get out of bed, or couldn't fathom eating, I did it for him. He is my joy. He makes me smile, he is the sole provider of most all my hugs and kisses these days, and I am a very blessed mother. I am thankful for the past thirteen years of my life with Jason and the product of our love was our son. I wouldn't change THAT for anything.

In closing, I feel like I need to acknowledge that I have made lots of mistakes in the past and I'm, in no way, blaming anyone for what has happened. Blaming doesn't lead to healing, forgiveness does. To those of you who have supported either one of us, thank you. I can't imagine being a celebrity and having to go through this very painful process in the public eye. And I know I'm blogging about this, so to ask for discretion seems absurd. But what we need, what anyone needs who is going through a tough time, is love, support and prayers.

Extreme Fun!

Yesterday John Thomas turned twenty-one months old!  In case you're not great at math, that means he will be a two year old in three months! OMG!  Our not-so little boy is changing everyday!  He now loves to brush his teeth, much to his father's delight.  He also will repeat anything you say.  Some of my favorites lately are: "Wane wane go way", "Oopy daisy" and "I luv vu." 

We had a full week after New Years before I had to go back to work.  This was awesome because we were able to do all sorts of fun stuff.  One day we drove over to see Mamaw, my 93 year old grandmother.  Considering it was over two hours getting there and two hours getting home, he did great!  And I know we made her day!

We were also able to have some friends over to play and do some finger painting.  I'm sure there were some very happy grandparents and great grandparents who opened up mailboxes to find some of John Thomas' masterpieces this week.

We also built blanket forts and went to the library a few times for Baby Bookworms.  Seriously, we had a blast all week!

And thanks to my friend, Angelina, some of us girls ended up volunteering to help build a house for Extreme Makeover Home Edition this past Friday night.  Please notice all of the clothes.  We all had on about five layers because it was 20 degrees during our shift (8:00 p.m.-2:00 a.m.).  We had so much fun carrying stone, drywall, mud, and 2x4s and getting dirty for a great cause!

This picture was taken about five hours in.  Those hats are hot!  Notice Angelina's absence, because she never sat down.  She was practically running the place by the time our shift was over.

In spite of being a little sore, we ventured out to Maggie and Jeremy's Saturday night to watch Tebow get stomped.  They have two little girls, Caroline and Hannah, so I think Jeremy kind of likes having a little boy around every once in a while.  On a different note of interest, some of you may remember a post from the summer that suggested I might get published.  Well, I've been working very hard, and this week I sent in the final edited version to the publisher.  There is still a lot of work to do, but it's starting to feel very real!

Auld Lang Syne

I'll admit, I don't even know what Auld Lang Syne means.  I hope it means, "it's gonna be a great year," because that's what we could all use.  So far it's off to a decent start, considering I don't have to go back to work until Friday.  Let me apologize in advance for all of the pictures on the blog this week.  Believe it or not, I actually left some photos out, even though you probably can't tell.  I guess I'll start with a quick (sort of) Christmas recap.  We've gotten to spend lots of time with our family and friends over the past two weeks.  Mom and I tried to take John Thomas to the mall to meet Santa and ride the train.  Meeting Santa was a flop.  John Thomas refused to get anywhere near the jolly old guy, so I guess we'll have to try again next year.  On the other hand, the train was a total hit.  He loved riding around in it so much that I had trouble getting him off the train when the ride was over.  If I'm being honest, he threw a fit in the middle of the mall, including rolling around on the mall floor.  I don't plan on going back to the mall with him anytime soon, for fear someone will recognize us. 

My parents came in and stayed the better part of a week.  He had so much fun playing with Gramma and Poppy and I know they had a blast hanging out with him!

Of course, Poppy was in charge of assembling all the Christmas fair, including a bus-slide.  John Thomas was able to play on his slide early, since my parents weren't able to be here Christmas morning.  He loves it!

As you can tell from the picture, he cheers himself on between each round of sliding.  He is such a mess and he knows it.

This is what our tree looked like on Christmas morning.  Santa did an excellent job this year in delivering a perfectly assembled (thanks Poppy) table and chairs set.

And when John Thomas woke up to Grandma Molly, Grandpa Danny, Daddy, Mommy, Chester and toys, he was a very happy boy!

 I think the caption on the picture below might be something like, "this is the best morning ever!"

 He didn't waste anytime digging into his stocking.

 It had a few of his favorite things, including Goldfish, bubbles and Playdoh.

 After the stocking, it was time for round two: the presents.

John Thomas got his first dump truck.  It cracks me up that he knew exactly what to do with it when he opened it.  He just dropped his bubbles in the back and took them for a spin.

The "wisest" toy he got was a stuffed owl from his Aunt Theresa.  He gave it a big hug right after he got it out of the box.  He is such a sweetie!

The grandparents must know him all too well, because they got him what is sure to be one of his favorite Christmas books, Bear Stays Up.  In case you missed it, notice the toilet in the background.  Daddy picked it out, and I'm sure it had to be the best throne on the market.  It might even have a bidet.  Wish us luck in our potty training efforts this year.

I wasn't sure if he'd take a nap or not, but he did.  And when that lucky boy woke up, the other set of grandparents were back in town to greet him. 

This boy is crazy about all of his grandparents and they are crazy about him!  Watching their faces light up, brings me so much joy. 

One of John Thomas' Christmas gifts from Mommy and Daddy was a four wheeler.  Although this is about as close as he gotten to riding it thus far.  Our boy is just not a risk-taker at all.  I am very thankful for this personality trait even though he definitely didn't get it from me. 

It's funny what kids think of when they don't know the function of something.  To me, it is clearly a beach bucket.  To him, it's clearly a fashionable, yet durable green hat.

After Christmas, I had the chance to go to Birmingham and meet the newest McCain, Marren Emma.  Stephanie and Tommy are doing great!  They are all adjusting to their new schedules, but it's obvious that their home is full of love.  Is it me, or is Marren smiling for the camera?  I know that 2012 will be such a fun-filled year for them and I hope and pray that it is a blessed year for all of you too.